Krav is hard for me. I have a hard time keeping up. In class last night I was winded just during the warm up of running around the room. I looked around and no one else was struggling as hard as me (at least that I could tell). I had to stop and rest a lot. When the instructor asked "Did everyone get that?" I had to yell out "NO!" like the slow kid in class. One of the drills was to have a dog pile of people hold you down on the ground while you try to get up and out of it. I can barely get off the ground with NO ONE on top of me! I sweat like a pig and my makeup runs all down my face. When I go home, everything is sore. I'm limping around my kitchen this morning because my muscles are rebelling against me! My body is screaming "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?". It's pathetic. But is it?
It is easy to get discouraged when something doesn't come naturally to me; when I have to work twice as hard as everyone else just to do the basics. BUT I'M DOING IT. I'm trying. Sometimes I want to lay on the ground and laugh, and other times I want to cry. But this is the way life is! I remember my first day at a 'real' job. They sat me in front of a computer and gave me a pile of work to do. I barely knew how to turn the computer ON. I panicked! I was in WAY over my head. What did I do? I got under my desk and called someone for help whispering on the phone while asking questions. I read some manuals. I watched other people. I secretly took my work home at night so I could take my time to try and figure things out. I was with that company for 10 years and by the time I left I was the one everyone was coming to for help. I became the teacher instead of the student. It took awhile. I was also a cop for a brief time in my life, and when I was in the police academy, the other students (mostly men) rolled their eyes at the 5'4" 21-year-old blonde girl. They figured the only reason I was accepted was because of affirmative action. That was probably partly true, but I wasn't given any free rides once I was there that's for sure - I had to do the same things as everyone else! And I graduated! I remember taking the driving test, (which was hellacious, high-speed and extremely stressful) and when I finished I looked over at my instructor and said "Did I fail?". He laughed and said "Fail?!? You got 100%!!" I almost fell out of the car. No one else got a 100% that day; only me. I couldn't believe it! When it was announced, some men congratulated me, and some men huffed, shook their heads and walked away pissed off. It was a good day. :-)
So Krav is just like all those other times in my life. I'm gonna have to work at it. It's not going to happen overnight. It's not going to be easy. Some people will be supportive and others won't. I'm going to want to quit. But I'm not going to! That's not how I roll. Screw discouragement!! Hello blood, sweat and tears - GIMME ALL YOU GOT!